I love randomness. I love when people talk to me on the bus, the subway, walking down the street. I love when people hit on me because we always end up in these fabulously strange conversations. The universe is a swirl of chaos and I find my moments of random connection with strangers to be exciting and fascinating. To that end I’ve decided to start writing down my conversations with strangers and publishing them on my blog. Perhaps you can get a laugh, or a bit of insight about human nature from them, just as I do.
Random Conversation #1: A guy on the subway hitting on me
Guy: Are you married? (points at my tattoo wedding ring)
Guy: That’s a good deterrent for guys hitting on you.
Me: Well that certainly wasn’t my intention when I got it, I wasn’t like…hmm…should I tattoo a wedding ring on my finger to deter guys? That would be commitment.
Guy: You should put some bling on that fingers…like Tiffanys…a big diamond…(shows his hideous Tiffanys gold bracelet with diamonds—probably fake)
Me: Why would I want diamonds? Do you know how common compressed carbon is? There are whole planets made of diamond!
Guy: Yeah but it’s expensive! Me: So? Boring!
Guy: (laughs) You’re like that’s ADT commercial, you know with that guy on the lawn saying ‘don’t even try it’…that’s what your tattoo says ‘don’t even try it’.
Me: Well that certainly wasn’t my intention.
Guy: I’m thinking about being a stripper you know.
Guy: Yeah, but I’d need to get tats all over my arms, like all done up. (points to his his arms)
Me: Well go for it!
Guy: Yeah my mom would kill me though, she’d kick me out of the house. But I could be a jiggalo, you know, or a stripper for sure.
Me: I bet you would make more money stripping for dudes. I bet more dudes would pay more for that than ladies would.
Guy: What!? Fuck no! I don’t swing that way…(pulls cross out of shirt—as indication of homophobia(?))
Me: That’s okay, I’ve met guys who work at gay bars that aren’t gay, just eye candy.
Guy: No way…
Me: (shrug) I’m just say men would probably pay more…
Guy: My mom would kill me anyways, she would hire assassins and shit.
Me: Wow that’s some mom!
Guy: Maybe I’ll just be a bartender…
Me: That’s safer. Because assassins.
Guy: Yeah safer…
Me: Okay how about this: you be a bartender at a strip club! Then you could work your way up to stripper, you know, upward mobility!
Guy: Oh yeah, bartending at a strip club, that would be good. Strippers are hot!
Me: No I mean a guy strip club…where guys strip.
Guy: I told you I don’t swing that way…(clutches cross—to further reinforce homophobia(?))
Me: No I’m not saying a gay strip club…
Guy: Hey! I said…
Me: No listen, I’m trying to optimize your career path here. Okay you know there are strip clubs where guys strip for women right? Well you should bartend there and work your way up.
Guy: Bah, my mom would kill me.
Me: Oh well, what are you gonna do?
Guy: With all those tattoos on your arms you should be a chef.
Me: What?! I’m not gonna be a chef, I’m a writer… I’m gonna go home and write about our conversation. Thanks for the inspiration…bye!
Guy: (looks bewildered)
Me: (gets off subway)